reminder to self

100% committed

hello . .. are you there?!

sometimes i get so wrapped up in my world that i find myself calling to myself ~ hello, are you there?!   meaning that i get so busy with filling others needs that i forget to check in with me and take care of her too. does this make sense? let me try to better explain my thoughts here...

with the daily diaper changes, feedings and playtime and the pet me, scratch me, let me outside, and the dinner made, laundry washed, floors cleaned, story time and ahh sweet, sweet bedtime, when do i actually check in with her?

i was self reflecting after spending sunday afternoon with my sisters, mother, nephew and son, oh and the two crazy very needy dogs. (chaos? why yes, a lil) we were planning my youngest sisters baby shower (or trying to) and i was feeling pulled in the following directions: one part of my mind creating ideas invites, games and inspiration for a theme and another part on what is my son into now, another part on listening to my pregnant sisters talk clothes, another part listening to my nephews did you knows, another part hushing the non stop barking of the dogs. i should note that by sunday i am pretty frazzled from the long week i've already had. i never seem to get any "me" time in. anyway, i decided to gather the troops and quickly run a few errands before baby a needed his nap. i was zeroed in at getting at least one thing off the to do list, leading the pack in and out of a few stores. and then leaving them to venture to the next stop without us because baby was so ready for nap. ahh, quiet time. nope because my dogs BARk at every lil noise they hear. and the very friendly neighbor wants to chat and then the troops are back and the dogs have woken up baby. damn it.

after everybody left i felt horrible for my distracted slightly cranky mood. they even called later to see how i was doing. i certainly didn't show that i had it all together did i? they expressed concern that i drink too much caffeine and don't eat enough food. can you blame me? i need the caffeine to function and who has time to eat?! (ok, i know that i need to get this in check, i am working on it) but also concerned that i am stretching myself to the limit in so many directions. but as i have mentioned before, i have a lil chaos in my world but somehow i love my chaos. i like switching gears and being involved in a number of things but currently having a lil trouble with my balancing act.

i am getting away from where i was going with on this post. (a.d.d, sorry) i've noted that i need to keep her in the top priorities and constantly check in. but in all my bitching here the question is: am i happy? hell yes i am happy! i have so many wonderful elements to be happy about. and i started last night by taking the time to be pampered and went and had my hair done last night. any lady knows this is a wonderful treatment and way to spend time with yourself ☺

i may be 30 but it doesn't mean i am going to let myself go and be boring!

what i've got

so blessed and beyond touched by all the beautiful birthday wishes + gifts! what a wonderful start to 30!!  i feel compelled to list out how truly fortunate i am for the presence of the following in my life:

♥ my amazing son
♥ my beloved husband
♥ my cozy home

♥ my dedicated family

♥ my encouraging friends

♥ my fun-loving dogs

♥ my good health 

♥ my heartfelt creativity

♥ my interminable spirituality

♥ my journey of momma-hood
♥ my kindhearted father
♥ my lamb-like nephews and niece
♥ my magnificent mother
♥ my never-ending inspiration
♥ my obtainable goals
♥ my persistent drive
♥ my quiet times
♥ my relentless curiosity
♥ my sensible sobriety
♥ my tangible truth
♥ my unbelievable sisters
♥ my valiant efforts
♥ my wholehearted support
♥ my youthful heart
♥ my zealous personality

ready for business!

okay so i am a Huge procrastinator and perfectionist. those pesky lil inner critics critiquing Every lil detail holding me back from taking the actual plunge of opening up shop. i've always worked best under pressure but wow-wee did i do a number on myself this time. let me back up here. ..
i've mentioned before but i used to have a business called dewdrop creative. i made a collaboration of artsy things and sold in a few stores and at craft sales. the craft sales is where it got to me. people looking at your work that you put your heart into and i felt judgement - good + bad. i couldn't step away from that it just might not be their style. i took my work very seriously as an inner reflection. when really sometimes it was just the venue i was at. anyways, it became forced and my passion for creating was dwindling. but now looking back, it was all just part of the making into something bigger and better ☺

taking time away gave me a chance to reflect and grow from the things i've learned. things i will not do and things i will do better. my biggest struggle now is time management! i'm a busy girl being pulled into a million different directions but i kinda love my chaos! i love being able to do a variety of things and play a variety of roles in my life. it keeps me full and ever changing.

back to my inner critics. i kept hearing what if nothing sells, what if no one likes my style, how do i do this, is it worth all the questions and concerns and time i am spending on creating??? the answers i've come to terms with: YES it is worth it because art is my passion and it keeps me going. if nothing sells and nobody like my work its okay! ultimately i am doing this work for myself. creating makes me feel alive and its a big part of who i am. i need to give this a chance and time and yes i will run into glitches and its all part of the learning. so here goes...

my shop is ready for business
http://www.etsy.com/shop/souLnaKed

30 for my thirtieth

on saturday i celebrated my thirtieth birthday with my family and a few close friends (even though my birthday is technically wednesday). my parents put together a gift of 30 things for my thirtieth. this gift touched me so i had to share it here. my mother knows me so well and i could see all the thought and planning she put into this very heartfelt gift. the picture doesn't do its justice so i've decided to give you a lil descriptive meaning of each item.

1-4. a picture of my grandmother casey & 3 of her pins. the first gift i opened brought me to tears.  a little pouch with 3 pins that i recognized as my grandmothers. and inside was a framed picture of her. i remember this picture growing up was one of my favorites. in the picture she sits happily with her pup on her lap. (she had a soft spot in her heart for her dogs) its exactly how i remember her.

5. a wooden box. i laughed when i saw it because it belonged on my moms dresser. she knew i admired it so.

6-8. healing stones. i've always been a collector of rocks and stones. there was a purple amethyst (one of my favorites), rose quartz and a clear stone with a dove. all which will bring me peace.

9-11. tasty treats. i have a love for candy and chocolate. mike & ikes, junior mints and dove chocolate (which is the BEST chocolate).

12-13. beverages. i live on caffeine and my favorites are rockstar and coffee. so she found a coffee rockstar and a new flavor i have yet to try.

14-17. jewelry. my mother has a fantastic and rather large collection of jewelry. i had told her once i admired this ring of hers that is a sparkly lizard. and as i noted above my love for stones, there was a necklace with earth tone stones on it. and a silver bracelet that was my grandmother casey's. also, a simple charm stating love. (i love to wear words)

18-22. favorite artists. 2 of my favorites are kelly rae roberts and christine mason miller. their work speaks to my soul and i can't get enough of their inspiration. i received 2 plaques, a bookmark, and a magnet from kelly's collection. and a bookmark from christine's collection.

23-24. quotable. i love quotes that speak to my heart and soul. especially ones i can apply to my everyday life. she found a quotable magnet and a quote from the velveteen rabbit (a childhood favorite).

25. young creator. a scroll of a self portrait and story i had written in the fifth grade. funny the things you save as a mother. i had a passion back then even for art and writing.

26. moody. a ha ha sign stating caution PMS zone. that is pretty funny, maybe i can place it on my husbands pillow in the future ☺

27. sparkle box. i love all things that sparkle and also have a love for boxes and containers. this is a perfect addition to my collection.

28. lil character keyring. i love random cartoons and characters, those that make me smile and laugh. this lil girl keyring she found is perfect.

29. shirt. i'm not one to spend my money on clothes so its fitting that she'd find a way to get an article of clothing in there. 

30. birthday girl. those of you who know me know i heart birthdays and especially love to celebrate my own ☺. i believe we all should, its the day we were blessed into this world and a day of starting a new year ( i'm not real into new years day) this is my marking of a new year. how perfect that she found me a party hat with bright feather and jewels to wear on my night of celebration. i may just wear it all week!

thank you momma & dad for this very unique gift. thank you All for your gifts, even though i didn't list it above your gifts also mean alot to me, you All know me very well. thank you all for coming to my soirée, i'm very blessed! 

my boys

i live in a household of 4 boys. my husband + baby + jaxson + johnny cash. it can be a tad overwhelming with all of the testosterone but i am also very, very blessed to be amongst it. they make me laugh and fill up my heart with joy and love. in this picture i was trying to capture daddy + baby quality time before bed. they like to lay under the covers and watch a little of the goodnight show. sometimes jax + johnny like to join them and i guess this was one of those nights. but johnny is Not a fan of the camera. and lately jax has been anti camera phone as well. so i don't think their intent was to be in the photo but more trying to get dad to stop my paparazzi moment. i love how dad is trying to talk reason with them and baby just looks a lil upset that i am interrupting his show and time with dad ☺

i love you boys. i wouldn't want it any other way then the way things are. xoxo, momma

mantra

i picked up this necklace at a local arts & craft show a few months back and have been wearing it daily since. it spoke so loudly to me that i had to have it even though i don't usually buy myself things i want (vs need).  i spoke with the artist who made it briefly about how she got started and how i was really teetering the idea of starting my own business venture but being in the fear stage of starting. she told me to go for it, take the leap and that sometimes you have to fall to fly ☺

this is kinda what it's felt like. falling into a new surrounding in hopes to fly. i've been struggling a bit with the balance of switching roles; momma to creator to wife to just me. my days go by extremely fast and somedays i feel like i have gotten nothing accomplished. when my lil guy sleeps i need to switch into creator mode and get some creating done but sometimes the laundry list of to dos are screaming at me or i just need a moment to myself. but then i feel heavy with guilt if i am not in my art room creating. guilty that i am not bringing in enough income, guilty that my etsy site isn't up and running yet...  i never wanted my art to be a have to. thats the part i didn't like before when i was creating and selling for my first venture; dewdrop creative. the pressure i put on myself made my creativity completely shut down.

balance is a funny thing. i feel like its a constant desire + need and it has to be worked at continuously. trying to just go with the flow, to just be. content. still. trust that i am in the right place.

i am trying to be honest with myself and all my feelings here. i am very grateful to have started this and do still have every hope and intention to bring my dream into my reality ~ its just somedays are harder than others and its still all very new and fragile.

manifestion: i shall shine in my journey

i have a tree in my yard in which i refer to as the magic tree. i love to sit under this tree reading or writing, reflecting. i feel at peace here. i can lay back and gaze into the web of branches as the sunlight peaks through. by the roots of the tree i had placed rocks with words i had written on. words that i find comfort in. whenever i need to be reminded i go to these rocks. today i found these...

time keeps creepin on by

23 days until i turn the big 30! for those of you who follow this blog you may remember my post from last year of my list of 29 things to do before turning 30. well i thought i'd update you all with my progress. the ones in orange i have completed or am currently living by. the starred are ones in progress.

1. spoil my son 

2. dance with my husband

3. live passionately

4. document life

5. create new art

6. the magic tree   *

7. snuggle lots with my boys

8. join a gym  i joined i just don't go

9. vacation with family

10. setup a website  *

11. read lots of books (as time allows i have done my best!)

12. continue to write letters to ayden

13. learn how to sew

14. blog more

15. treasure hunt with alex

16. saturday game nights

17. revamp my business *

18. laugh often

19. star gaze

20. take a cooking class with my sisters

21. volunteer

22. spend time with me

23. swimming lessons with ayden

24. write a children's book

25. paint the blank canvas' *

26. go outside my comfort zone

27. eat new foods

28. rescue another dog (i helped chris find zipper!)

29. become pregnant

so seeing as i have very limited time to do the 8 untouched and complete the 4 in progress i may have to carry some into my list of 30 to do before 31. #29 for example just needs to wait until our creator tells us it is time ☺