who i am now and who i used to be are 2 different people. how my old self disappeared was gradual yet in a rush. i became wife and mother in the last year. things of importance shifted. i used to struggle with; who am i and where am i? being a mother has taught me to live in each moment. that as much as you think you have your future planned, things can change with the wind. being a wife has taught me compromise and inter-dependence. and that communication is key.i used to be a selfish, lost soul. i acted without thinking of the reaction it would cause. then wallowed in self loathing and pity. AA taught me acceptance. it truly does hold the answers. i have to carry it as my daily mantra because no matter how much we think we have control of things in our lives, sometimes we cannot. being sober has brought me more gifts then i could have ever imagined. clarity, forgiveness, friendship, support, self love and healing. things that were all waiting until i was ready to accept them into my life.
now i can't imagine going backwards and putting up with my old self but there are still shades of her in me. i kept the parts of her that were always there and the parts that i love; my creativity, my silliness, my list making, my compassion for loved ones . . . i want these parts to flourish and entwine with who i am now; nurturing, understanding, inspired and devoted. i want to instill new traits; mindfulness, patient, and serene.
