no destination in mind

it is my journey ~ i shall follow my heart wherever it may lead  

reason enough

these two are why i will never ever give up

look up

we grow even when we feel we are at a stand still. looking up tonight i see this is my truth. i would have never imagined i'd be where i am today from where i was a year ago. i was scared of taking the final steps of divorce. of leaving the house i started my family in. of shedding old skin and ideas.

i am still learning, still stumbling through to find my way. somedays feel so full i can't breathe. when bitterness surfaces i remind myself that i am in the right place and to let go and let god. persevere. he won't give me more than i can handle, right? so here i am, surviving, trying to stay present and not get run down. not let fears overtake. not regret or look back but look up. trust. 

silly

sometimes being silly is all we've got. 

they remind me i don't have to take life so seriously. laughter is such a pleasant remedy. we all need more moments like this. because life is full of hard times and + unexpected change. i'm reminded to embrace these silly little moments with all i've got. the sillier i am the more comfortable they feel. laugh until you cry, until your side hurts, or maybe til you pee a lil :)

four

you looked right into my soul, in that instant i knew i would love you fiercely forever 

you stretched out your arms cooing softly and my heart melted

i will be your voice when you can't find the words you are trying to say

i will hold your hand when you are scared, we will find our way together

i will remind you of how loved and special you truly are

you remind me to slow down and take a deep breath

you make me laugh with your silly songs and stories

you fill my heart with love through kisses and hugs

ayden james, you are and will forever be my favorite boy in the world

not warranted

sabrina ward harrison

sometimes life feels unfair

sometimes it is so overwhelming you can't breathe

sometimes id rather hide than face my realities

so much heartache

so much fear

of all the uncertainty

even though i know that i can handle everything that comes my way

i know how blessed i am

i know i am loved and supported

i know it could be so much worse

still in the knowing i weep tonight

i let the tears fall

i let out my screams

it is no ones fault

and its all going to be okay

tomorrow i will pick myself back up and put back on my coat of armor

i will advocate for my lil loves

i will face the fears and uncertainties

because maybe

life is only as unfair as we allow it to be

i deserve

i am home

i am creating everything that i want in my world. i am present, moment by moment. i feel all the fears falling away. just by trusting the universe again. i've woken from a long long sleep. senses fully aware to everything around me. its about fully living and being who i truly am. and believing that i deserve all the beauty that is coming to me. blessed feeling, i am heard, i am seen. i am no longer weighted down by  negativity that clouded my visions. it's the light in the darkness i knew would come. so grateful to see it again, feels like coming home.

in progress

starting to fool with this again. i haven't sketched in such a long time. but picking up the pencil is welcoming, another form of self expression. a work in progress, captivating me all over again.

in the raw

raw |rô|adjective(of an emotion or quality) strong and undisguised• frank and realistic in the depiction of unpleasant facts or situations PHRASESin the raw 1 in its true state; not made to seem better or more palatable than it actually is
raw emotions: strong, intense, passionate, fervent, powerful;undisguised, unconcealed, unrestrained, uninhibited.

are you listening

some currents
louder than ever  .  cold war kids
revelry  .  kings of leon
the difference between us  .  the dead weather
numb  .  gary clark jr.
little black submarines  .  the black keys
awake my soul  .  mumford and sons
love interruption  .  jack white
skip the charades  .  cold war kids
shake it out  .  florence + the machine
work on me  .  kings of leon

my assumption

and acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.

nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake.

unless i accept life completely on life's terms, i cannot be happy.

i need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.

begin again

i haven't publicly written in months. i've been spilling it all out onto private journal pages. sometimes in a fury, sometimes through tears. but i'm known to wear my heart on my sleeve so to endure such happenings private is more foreign than comfort. maybe its the perfectionist in me that holds back from spilling here in case of typos or judgements. today it feels right to begin again.

to update; i am a single mother of two of the most dearest gems. ayden + asylin but often referred to as boog + bird. they keep me busy, they give me hope and they are my everything.

the "d" became final this fall but we are nearing a year of separation. divorce has been like a death, as i have ridden the waves of the seven stages of grief. i can comfortably say that i am sitting in the drivers seat of #7 acceptance + hope. but truthfully there are days when i can slide back into any of the other 6 stages.

we are co-parenting our lil gems the best we can as it is a learning experience for us all. and somehow through this year i can now see that this is the best decision for us all. think what you may but to stay in a marriage for the kids is not something i believe was best for them, and i think he'd agree.

but this place is to not bash or get into nitty-gritty details of the "d". it's for my soul to heal, and to share who i am with those who care to explore and ride my journey with me. i heal and grow through my sharing, through my truths, through my art and my writing. i'm no longer willing to live in fears or shadows. i am ready to leap into the life i know i can attain.