heres to hoping

let me never lose hope

proposition

here we are

into the

darkest,

coldest,

loneliest,

days of January.

it's suppose to be a time for

new beginnings,

and

resolutions.

every year, this month

is harder for me to withstand.

i try to prepare myself.

to breathe deeply,

to let go

and

surrender.

i hear the faint whispers...

it could be so much worse,

be grateful.

be patient.

i know the more

i focus on how

unbearable it is,

the more it truly will be.

i feel so vulnerable

to others energies. 

i carry their misery

or maybe

they mirror my own.

so i ask for

louder whispers, 

signs of support

and

guidance so clear

that i may even trip over them.

i need a little help here.

i am trying so hard

not to fall

down the rabbit hole.

help me

be present,

be mindful,

be loving,

be kind.

be protected

from the darkness

of my eager depression

that dances on the edge,

waiting for me to lie down

and

welcome it.