everything's changing

i look into the mirror and it's as if someone else is staring back at me.

these aren't my clothes, this isn't my body.

even my hair and skin seem to be different.

my senses are altered too.

i can smell things much more than i ever could before.

i forget my thoughts mid-sentence.

everything i eat gives me heartburn.

i used to multi-task, now i have to write everything down

and do things one at a time.

the last five months have been anything but dull. my emotions intense.

this pregnancy was a surprise. we had only been engaged a month.

i thought i had the flu and was completely exhausted.

it took me about 3 1/2 months to feel good.

it also took this long for my mind to relax about all the changes

and accept that this is what being pregnant is all about.

i'm so grateful for all these blessings that are present in my life.

i married a wonderful man November 20th of 2009.

we have been through so many life lessons together.

he believed in me when i didn't believe in myself.

we have seen each other through the good and the bad,

and he is truly my best friend.

becoming parents came much sooner than either of us could have imagined.

the anticipation, the excitement, the amazement. . .

there is no one i'd rather have by my side during these days that lie ahead.

shadow seeker

in the shadows lie the fears, the truths we hide from.

the what if's and the why's.

and you try to ignore them but they get louder, more intense.

so you find a way to just coexist with the unknown.

to trust that there is a reason to all of this.

a faith in something higher, bigger, more than you.

and try to carry gratitude for all that is right in front of you

all new

i felt you move last night. for the first time. it was a little flutter. and it brought tears to my eyes. how could something so little move me so much? like the first ultrasound. you were the size of a bean. but seeing it made it real. and then the first time hearing your heartbeat. soft and quick, made me full of love. now today, at week 19, we went to ultrasound #2. filled with joyful anticipation, are you a boy or a girl. . .

a boy! around June 13th we will have a baby boy. I was so certain that it was a girl ~ i was completely surprised. but we are so blessed, you are healthy and seem to be quite happy in there!