first days

today was the first day of school for my godson alex. i sat and reminisced over the memories of the last five years of his life and how quickly they have passed. he is who taught me the definition of love at first sight. when i met him the day he was born i fell instantaneously in love. it is hard to put into words what my heart + soul felt in that moment. and it wasn't until baby a was born i felt it all over again. there is a difference in feeling an instant connection with someone and love at first sight.

alex is the the definition of boy wonder. he has a photographic memory and is full of did you knows and animal wisdom. he is sensitive and kind and very witty. i know he will do wonderfully in school i just can't believe the day is already here! baby a and i wanted to wish him well on his new venture so we sent him this picture message to view before heading to the bus stop.

of course this was during a's mickey mouse time so he was a little distracted.

his momma sent us this picture of him waiting for the bus. so proud of you alex! may school bring you much knowledge and new friends. can't wait to hear all about what you are learning!!

ready for business!

okay so i am a Huge procrastinator and perfectionist. those pesky lil inner critics critiquing Every lil detail holding me back from taking the actual plunge of opening up shop. i've always worked best under pressure but wow-wee did i do a number on myself this time. let me back up here. ..
i've mentioned before but i used to have a business called dewdrop creative. i made a collaboration of artsy things and sold in a few stores and at craft sales. the craft sales is where it got to me. people looking at your work that you put your heart into and i felt judgement - good + bad. i couldn't step away from that it just might not be their style. i took my work very seriously as an inner reflection. when really sometimes it was just the venue i was at. anyways, it became forced and my passion for creating was dwindling. but now looking back, it was all just part of the making into something bigger and better ☺

taking time away gave me a chance to reflect and grow from the things i've learned. things i will not do and things i will do better. my biggest struggle now is time management! i'm a busy girl being pulled into a million different directions but i kinda love my chaos! i love being able to do a variety of things and play a variety of roles in my life. it keeps me full and ever changing.

back to my inner critics. i kept hearing what if nothing sells, what if no one likes my style, how do i do this, is it worth all the questions and concerns and time i am spending on creating??? the answers i've come to terms with: YES it is worth it because art is my passion and it keeps me going. if nothing sells and nobody like my work its okay! ultimately i am doing this work for myself. creating makes me feel alive and its a big part of who i am. i need to give this a chance and time and yes i will run into glitches and its all part of the learning. so here goes...

my shop is ready for business
http://www.etsy.com/shop/souLnaKed

way of living

now is the time to be gentle with my soul. i awake to a new beginning and i must hush all the inner & outer critics. i am building a foundation where i can flourish in my passion of words and color. as much as i desire the faith from others, it is truly only my own faith that can carry me there. i believe that i am walking in the right direction. that we must create the paths in which we want to travel. my hope is that the things i create will touch others, bringing them joy or comfort, whatever it may be that they are in need of. whenever i am in need i remind myself to look around and see that i am right where i am suppose to be. and then i see something that meets that need whether it is a word or saying, a picture or painting.

leaving our comfort zones can be scary and vulnerable but usually we stay where we are comfortable for too long or for the wrong reasons. money is a necessary evil that controls us if we let it. how many people do you know that can honestly say, i love my job. not nearly as many that should. when i tell people i left my job to be with my son and start creating my art they say you are lucky. its not about luck. its a choice. i am following my heart to do what is calling me. the first year of my sons life went by in a blink. i want to be more present before he is in school and all grown up. i want to create art while i am here and it not be something i wish i would have done. life is fragile and very short. things change so quickly that if we don't be the change today we may not have the opportunity tomorrow.

grace

to find the words to what i am feeling in this moment is surprisingly difficult. i am not usually a person who is ever at a loss for words. i am extremely grateful for all the love and support that is rushing in around me. i've taken a leap of faith in myself that i can create my art and sell it "for a living". i hate when people ask; what do you do for a living? why does a "career" define us? i want to respond with: well, i am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a dog lover, a dreamer, spiritual, creative, sensitive, passionate, empathetic, anxious, curious being. but i suppose that is more of an answer to who i am . . . what i do is love my life, and the people i am fortunate to have in it, strive everyday at being fully present and living whole heartedly, believe that what you ask the universe for can be provided, create things that i am passionate about in hopes that another will feel inspired by.

i believe that we are all connected. i wrote an email to my loved ones asking for guidance and support in this leap and they have all replied with love and encouragement. it comforts my soul that i am indeed doing what i should be. it feels right. i had been carrying with me for years this desire and almost as if i was waiting for someone to push me off the edge of resistance. my fears were holding my ankles, whispering insecurities and doubt. well its time i kicked those fears off and into the fire. they can no longer hold me back. i will go forward, one step at a time, as gracefully as possible. knowing that i may stumble time to time. that is part of the learning. part of the journey. as i say goodbye to a job that has taught me so many things, that has been a comfort zone, a place of confidence and good income, i say hello to the many things i will learn and flourish in. hello to new opportunities and experiences... hope and inspiration. courage and strength. thank you,  you have all been a part in contributing to my dream and new reality.  

baby love

when i met my nephew alex for the first time i understood what the phrase, love at first sight meant. every inch of me was in love with him. he was perfect. his eyes were wide open and full of wonder. he was just looking around, taking it all in. he was brand new and i loved him. and i still love him in the same rich, unconditional way.

in 14 weeks or less, i will have a brand new little being of my own and i anticipate falling in love at first sight all over again but at a whole new level.

everything's changing

i look into the mirror and it's as if someone else is staring back at me.

these aren't my clothes, this isn't my body.

even my hair and skin seem to be different.

my senses are altered too.

i can smell things much more than i ever could before.

i forget my thoughts mid-sentence.

everything i eat gives me heartburn.

i used to multi-task, now i have to write everything down

and do things one at a time.

the last five months have been anything but dull. my emotions intense.

this pregnancy was a surprise. we had only been engaged a month.

i thought i had the flu and was completely exhausted.

it took me about 3 1/2 months to feel good.

it also took this long for my mind to relax about all the changes

and accept that this is what being pregnant is all about.

i'm so grateful for all these blessings that are present in my life.

i married a wonderful man November 20th of 2009.

we have been through so many life lessons together.

he believed in me when i didn't believe in myself.

we have seen each other through the good and the bad,

and he is truly my best friend.

becoming parents came much sooner than either of us could have imagined.

the anticipation, the excitement, the amazement. . .

there is no one i'd rather have by my side during these days that lie ahead.

all new

i felt you move last night. for the first time. it was a little flutter. and it brought tears to my eyes. how could something so little move me so much? like the first ultrasound. you were the size of a bean. but seeing it made it real. and then the first time hearing your heartbeat. soft and quick, made me full of love. now today, at week 19, we went to ultrasound #2. filled with joyful anticipation, are you a boy or a girl. . .

a boy! around June 13th we will have a baby boy. I was so certain that it was a girl ~ i was completely surprised. but we are so blessed, you are healthy and seem to be quite happy in there!

goodbye to you

rainbows in her pocket by pinkytoast

so i decided to let my biggest vice go... no more ciggys.  just so you all know this wasn't easy and surprised myself more than those of you who know me. i am doing this with the support of chantix and of course aLot of patience, understanding and encouragement from the mr. But in my head this is sort of how it's going;

you are what?!

well how bout just one more?

you're going to miss it.

it's going to be too hard!

what about when you have coffee?

in the car? 

out with friends? 

well, for the first week i fought it. I took the little pill and still smoked as usual. But each day and each cig i lit taste worse and my body was fighting it more. i thought about it only in the moments of habit. like when i'm in the car. but the smell bugs me now. i haven't smoked in my car lately but i still smell it. weird.

side effects ~  (very) vivid dreams and (very) nauseous.

it is week 2. and it's been 48 hours since i have had any nicotine. and it's all about one day at a time right now. long term success is to be determined. 

just do it

oh me, oh my, can't believe i am finally going to attempt to keep a blog! i am on my way out of the myspace/facebook world. transitioning everything to here. a space where i can ramble my thoughts. share fun finds. let you take a peak inside. what exists. all the quarks and sparkle. ready or not here i come.