wish i may

what would you do if fear did not stand in the way? why do we let it??

what is it that lies deep within whispering to be let out? why don't we let it??

what is your true dream???

pondering what it is that needs to take form in my life. i feel the need that i can no longer ignore what is just waiting to spill out. but there are all these icky, what if's and you can't, you won't and how, stirring around that are clouding and squeezing my inner most desires. i want to make a huge shift in my life and it is the scariest leap. but if i choose to remain standing on the outside of it then it remains a dream and not my reality. and if i don't try then i'll never know. and if i'm waiting for all the fears to just fall away then i'll continue to wait aLot longer.

i have this dream where i see myself close my eyes and gently let go and i fall into a beautiful, peaceful, soft "place". its neither scary nor vulnerable. its rewarding and amazing. it feels like home. like i've been here before but like i've never been here at all!

so i hold onto this dreams comfort and i try to shake off all the gremlins that are in the shadows. i pray for the universe to provide and support this creative dream of mine and to trust the unknown. to find this place that i dream of.

too much to handle at 3:30AM

zipper, johnny cash & jaxson

so i have been single parenting for 6 days now. (hubby is on a work trip) its day 7 (3:30AM) and i'm about to loose my mind! things with ayden have been going great, he's his normal, happy baby self. but these dogs are crazy! just to back track ~ we have 2 dogs; jaxson and johnny cash, and our roommate has 1; zipper. he had been thinking about getting a dog this summer and when i saw zipper online i had convinced him that he just had to rescue him. the only mistake was that he was a puppy (the same age as ayden). the mix of 3 is chaos. (three's a crowd totally makes sense to me now) i love dogs, and i would rescue them all and have a dog farm if possible so it really was me pushing for the adoption. but i wasn't thinking rationally. and i do love zipper, he's full of life and love but the mix + baby = TOO MUCH!

ayden is teething and so tonight was one of those sleepless nights. he was up at 11 and then again at 2:30 - this time not wanting to go back to bed. so i made some coffee and sat down to play with him. in the mean time, all the dogs are up. jax laying by ayden and i and jc and zipper wrestling and fighting over toys. its 3 am. they think its meal time and cannot seem to find comfort in quiet time. at this point i get aj back to sleep but the dogs are barking and rough-housing and i am about to tweak! so i separate them all and after 5 minutes of whining from 3 separate rooms of the house all is quiet and my nerves have calmed. wait - i hear a stirring baby. the funs about to start all over again. . .

hubby, you can come home now, i miss you!