i deserve

i am home

i am creating everything that i want in my world. i am present, moment by moment. i feel all the fears falling away. just by trusting the universe again. i've woken from a long long sleep. senses fully aware to everything around me. its about fully living and being who i truly am. and believing that i deserve all the beauty that is coming to me. blessed feeling, i am heard, i am seen. i am no longer weighted down by  negativity that clouded my visions. it's the light in the darkness i knew would come. so grateful to see it again, feels like coming home.

in progress

starting to fool with this again. i haven't sketched in such a long time. but picking up the pencil is welcoming, another form of self expression. a work in progress, captivating me all over again.

in the raw

raw |rô|adjective(of an emotion or quality) strong and undisguised• frank and realistic in the depiction of unpleasant facts or situations PHRASESin the raw 1 in its true state; not made to seem better or more palatable than it actually is
raw emotions: strong, intense, passionate, fervent, powerful;undisguised, unconcealed, unrestrained, uninhibited.

are you listening

some currents
louder than ever  .  cold war kids
revelry  .  kings of leon
the difference between us  .  the dead weather
numb  .  gary clark jr.
little black submarines  .  the black keys
awake my soul  .  mumford and sons
love interruption  .  jack white
skip the charades  .  cold war kids
shake it out  .  florence + the machine
work on me  .  kings of leon

my assumption

and acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.

nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake.

unless i accept life completely on life's terms, i cannot be happy.

i need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.

begin again

i haven't publicly written in months. i've been spilling it all out onto private journal pages. sometimes in a fury, sometimes through tears. but i'm known to wear my heart on my sleeve so to endure such happenings private is more foreign than comfort. maybe its the perfectionist in me that holds back from spilling here in case of typos or judgements. today it feels right to begin again.

to update; i am a single mother of two of the most dearest gems. ayden + asylin but often referred to as boog + bird. they keep me busy, they give me hope and they are my everything.

the "d" became final this fall but we are nearing a year of separation. divorce has been like a death, as i have ridden the waves of the seven stages of grief. i can comfortably say that i am sitting in the drivers seat of #7 acceptance + hope. but truthfully there are days when i can slide back into any of the other 6 stages.

we are co-parenting our lil gems the best we can as it is a learning experience for us all. and somehow through this year i can now see that this is the best decision for us all. think what you may but to stay in a marriage for the kids is not something i believe was best for them, and i think he'd agree.

but this place is to not bash or get into nitty-gritty details of the "d". it's for my soul to heal, and to share who i am with those who care to explore and ride my journey with me. i heal and grow through my sharing, through my truths, through my art and my writing. i'm no longer willing to live in fears or shadows. i am ready to leap into the life i know i can attain.