photo fun

i am loving the new app; Hipstamatic for the iphone 4. too bad i don't actually have this phone. i am still using an old school flip phone. so i hijacked the hubby's phone to play and ayden of course is my favorite subject.

flu birds

"Doing What It Takes" by jenzet

i can't remember the last time i had the flu. the last 48 hrs were pure evil. i was going about my normal to do's when i was hit with a strong wave of nausea. handing over my son as fast as possible, i headed to the porcelain palace which was all mine for the following 6 + hrs of purging every 20 minutes. there is nothing worse then dry heaves and cold sweats. i was praying for it to end. then it did, only to switch ends. along with that, every bone in my body was aching. that continued for a unpleasant 24 + hrs. needless to say my energy was completely depleted. sleep was the only thing i could do with ease.

all the while i felt so overwhelmed with guilt and sadness. i was laying there feeling so helpless and guilty. guilty for not being able to care for ayden, for missing work, for being sick on my husbands birthday/valentine's day. why did i feel guilty for something that was so out of my control?! maybe because i'm a mom now and its my role to take care of my son. i hate missing work ~ especially because we're so busy. and had such fun birthday plans for my husband. i feel like i let everyone down.

today was a new day though. i got up with baby feeling more alive then i had and smiled at my beautiful boy who i missed snuggling with and swept him up from his sleep to feed him before getting myself ready for work. he ate about 6 oz before pro-jecting it all over the both of us. perfect. well, he didn't have a fever so i changed his clothes and put him in his crib to play while i got ready for work. ayden is a very happy baby so to hear him fussing and such is not normal morning routine. i went in to find a horrible stench and then to discover that he had a green explosion that went up his back and down to his ankles. just perfect. so much for being on time. the poor lil guy was so patient while i stripped him down and peeled off his clothes and bathed him in the sink. he was clinging to me with tears falling from his eyes . . . no fever, no matter, my little babes has the flu too and needs to stay home.

the guilt set in again ~ i knew this was going to disappoint work and my paycheck but what else can you do? being a momma comes first. and when your husband has meetings all day that he can't get out of, you stay home. luckily i have fridays off so i hope to be able to make up some time this week.

since having ayden he has had croup twice and a cold that seems to always be present. and now his first run in with the flu. i know lil babies are susceptible to picking up all the viruses that are out there. we are learning it first hand. when he is sick its the hardest thing, my heart just breaks for him. so as unpleasant as my bout of flu was, if i could take it away and have it for my lil baby i would!

abundance

abundance |əˈbəndəns|• plentifulness of the good things of life

this is the theme of my 2011. my life has never felt so full and meaningful. even with the never ending laundry list of things to do. i'm learning to let things wait their turn. my son teaches me something new everyday. he is curious, determined, and brave and he is only 8 months old. amazing.

this past year was filled with so many changes. a bit overwhelming at times i have to admit. i went from girlfriend to fiance to wife to momma in 9 months. crazy. but life goes anyway but how we plan it to. and i live without regret. look what 2010 brought me. blessed.

i've never been into resolutions. too much pressure. but i live with intent to be fully present for each of these precious moments. i'm understanding how fragile life is and how quickly things can change. that we need to tell each other how much we mean to each other while we're still here. together.