in•i•ti•a•tion

i stand on new ground as i embrace my 34th year.

i took a leap and i am discovering the feeling of being without certainty.

i chose this road yet i feel like i'm learning to dance with two left feet.

i've been swaying back and forth between past and present. 

justifying and bartering, questioning and praying.

foolish girl.

have you learned nothing in these last 34 years??

thy own worst critic.

am i not worth more?

do i not deserve more?

i bravely make the step in the direction i desire

only to be met with a stagnant destination.

full with trepidation.

why am i allowing this?

if i am going to create the life that i aspire to

i'm going to have to confront my apprehensiveness.