the weight of it all

i can feel the tears swelling, just waiting for me to allow them to come. i am so overwhelmed with my emos today and i realize they are stemming mostly from hormones. i can't seem to get my mind to rest these nights and my anxiety seems to bubbling in my veins. there is so much change amongst us its hard to stay in the optimistic mindset. i'm usually a very optimistic person, believing that we have the power to create what we want to be present in our lives. (good + bad)

i've never worried about money. i'm neither frivolous nor frugal, somewhere in the middle i guess. but these days i feel like money is being sucked right out the window. not having a full-time steady income is obvious showing its results. it was a bold move to step away from a comfort zone of a biweekly paycheck but one i knew i had to make. i couldn't stay where money was the only motivator. but now i can see the weight i have placed on my husbands shoulders and cannot help but feel that i was selfish in my decision. trying to keep the faith in myself is a bit of a struggle when i can see the effects it is causing in my family. it was never my intention to have him be the provider. my desire was to be able to spend more time with my son and to provide by selling my creations.

meanwhile, another opportunity has presented itself in my life as well as my family's. its very unexpected and very appealing to us all. something i cannot currently go into deal here but hope to be able to very soon. all i can say is that it is moving at full speed and causing a mix of emotions for us all. trying to manifest the best possible outcome and to see that the reason its presented itself is so we can do what we've only dreamed of being able to do together. *this is how i am able to believe we create what we desire.

so i'm trying to keep my head above water. remain optimistic and not let my anxieties take control. i am craving 8 hrs of uninterrupted sleep. without the aid of a sleeping pill ~ i refuse to take those lil buggers.