pretty bird

may she always dance to the beat of her heart

heres to hoping

let me never lose hope

proposition

here we are

into the

darkest,

coldest,

loneliest,

days of January.

it's suppose to be a time for

new beginnings,

and

resolutions.

every year, this month

is harder for me to withstand.

i try to prepare myself.

to breathe deeply,

to let go

and

surrender.

i hear the faint whispers...

it could be so much worse,

be grateful.

be patient.

i know the more

i focus on how

unbearable it is,

the more it truly will be.

i feel so vulnerable

to others energies. 

i carry their misery

or maybe

they mirror my own.

so i ask for

louder whispers, 

signs of support

and

guidance so clear

that i may even trip over them.

i need a little help here.

i am trying so hard

not to fall

down the rabbit hole.

help me

be present,

be mindful,

be loving,

be kind.

be protected

from the darkness

of my eager depression

that dances on the edge,

waiting for me to lie down

and

welcome it. 

no destination in mind

it is my journey ~ i shall follow my heart wherever it may lead  

reason enough

these two are why i will never ever give up

look up

we grow even when we feel we are at a stand still. looking up tonight i see this is my truth. i would have never imagined i'd be where i am today from where i was a year ago. i was scared of taking the final steps of divorce. of leaving the house i started my family in. of shedding old skin and ideas.

i am still learning, still stumbling through to find my way. somedays feel so full i can't breathe. when bitterness surfaces i remind myself that i am in the right place and to let go and let god. persevere. he won't give me more than i can handle, right? so here i am, surviving, trying to stay present and not get run down. not let fears overtake. not regret or look back but look up. trust. 

silly

sometimes being silly is all we've got. 

they remind me i don't have to take life so seriously. laughter is such a pleasant remedy. we all need more moments like this. because life is full of hard times and + unexpected change. i'm reminded to embrace these silly little moments with all i've got. the sillier i am the more comfortable they feel. laugh until you cry, until your side hurts, or maybe til you pee a lil :)

four

you looked right into my soul, in that instant i knew i would love you fiercely forever 

you stretched out your arms cooing softly and my heart melted

i will be your voice when you can't find the words you are trying to say

i will hold your hand when you are scared, we will find our way together

i will remind you of how loved and special you truly are

you remind me to slow down and take a deep breath

you make me laugh with your silly songs and stories

you fill my heart with love through kisses and hugs

ayden james, you are and will forever be my favorite boy in the world

not warranted

sabrina ward harrison

sometimes life feels unfair

sometimes it is so overwhelming you can't breathe

sometimes id rather hide than face my realities

so much heartache

so much fear

of all the uncertainty

even though i know that i can handle everything that comes my way

i know how blessed i am

i know i am loved and supported

i know it could be so much worse

still in the knowing i weep tonight

i let the tears fall

i let out my screams

it is no ones fault

and its all going to be okay

tomorrow i will pick myself back up and put back on my coat of armor

i will advocate for my lil loves

i will face the fears and uncertainties

because maybe

life is only as unfair as we allow it to be

i deserve